Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
