Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
