It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize