Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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