He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
