My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
