how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
