No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
