i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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