shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
...so i touched it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
