I heard we made out
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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