fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
