Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize