His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
