I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
