I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They are going to name an STD after you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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