i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
