There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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