3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
