...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
