I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
