So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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