Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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