well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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