Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
