So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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