i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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