We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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