All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
