i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think my moral compass just broke
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
