he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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