I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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