i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
