drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
