If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
try to milk me bitch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
