Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
