hotel room ftw
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
