Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
