i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
pray to the hookup gods
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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