That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
love makes seman taste better
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
