no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize