why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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