so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
