oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
