12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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