dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
