Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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