Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I party with great urgency now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
