Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
