FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
