is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
