Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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