This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
