Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
