also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
