Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
