you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
