So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
