Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
