True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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