Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
