dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
