just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
