Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
