Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
