You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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