I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize