I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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