I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
